Hunting Hijinks On Ronnie Chestnutt’s Farm

Greetings readers! 

First let me apologize for the delay in submitting the latest story. You see, the internet and cell service here on the mountain is not nearly as good as other less civilized places in the county, so these columns are still submitted by the U.S. Postal Service. 

And as it turns out, the letter carrier for our area had some issues, causing letters to be misplaced or not delivered at all. Neighbors were pretty understanding for a few days, exchanging pieces of mail erroneously received and dealing with it patiently. That is until Rosy Steven’s social security check was found in a ditch miles from the nearest mailbox which caused her to be late paying the previous month’s grocery bill. So in addition to credit no longer being allowed at Mary’s Mercantile and Tax Preparation, we finally have a new mailman while Al is in the hospital getting off the sauce. Ya have to take the good with the bad, I guess. 

Ronnie Chestnutt asked me to advise neighbors that deer hunting won’t be allowed on his property this year. Not even family. I’d suspected he got pics of another monster buck on his trail cam, but Ron tells me hunting is simply too hazardous to his health anymore. 

Two years ago Ron got a call from his brother A.J. ( short for “Ajay” ) that he shot a doe and would Ronnie come help him look for it? Of course he went, and they soon found the deer laying near the pond in the lower pasture a short while after sundown. Only after he went to tag the doe did A.J. realize he’d forgotten to send in for a doe tag in the first place. Having used his own already, Ron cursed his brother for a fool and then told him to hurry up and gut it, they’d sneak it back to the barn. 

Before dragging out the contraband venison, Ronnie told his brother to wait and he’d walk ahead to make sure the coast was clear. As he approached the barn a figure in green jumped out in front of him and yelled, “Gotcha!!!” Between the shock of being startled and certain he’d been caught by the game warden, ‘ol Ronnie dropped to the ground, passed out cold. 

Well, it turned out to be the older Ferris boy who, coming from his own tree stand seen the flashlight and thought he’d have a little fun with Ron. Everyone had a good laugh about it, even Ron who came to before the rescue squad took him to the hospital. The Ferris boy felt bad though, and gave A.J. his doe tag to use. 

The doctor told Ron he had what they call a “sinkable episode” but Ronnie said he thinks he just passed out since he was no where near the pond at the time of the incident. 

Ronnie told me he let that one slide, but then last deer season while standing in out by the barn admiring his nephew’s first buck, the game warden stopped by to check their licenses. All was good until the warden noticed A.J. had a couple sacks of corn in the back of his truck and wrote him a ticket for baiting deer. Now, everyone knew it was just feed for his chickens, everyone except the warden that is.  A.J. was just hopping mad, cursing up a storm after the law departed. Ronnie got a laughing fit so hard he started choking on a wad of Red Man. His brother’d probably let him choke too, so angry was he, but fortunately the nephew knew CPR and pounded on Ronnie’s chest, dislodging the chew and saving his uncle’s life. 

So anyone looking to hunt down at the Chestnutt farm is forewarned, the only thing hanging from trees this year will be fresh “No Trespassing” signs, at least until Ronnie cools down. 

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The Annual Hunter’s Lunch will be held December 1st from 11-2 at the Mountain Presbyterian Church. There will be hot dogs, hamburgers, beverages and baked goods as well as Stub Baker’s famous “Three Alarm” chili. Stub reminds hunters to make sure they’re done for the day before having it after last years’ incident when a downstate hunter was accidentally shot while running for the bushes with a roll of Charmin Ultra Soft. 

Boy Scout Troop 000 will be holding their annual canned food drive to help the needy this upcoming holiday season. Scoutmaster Gary Inzo says while the community’s generosity is appreciated, the food pantry has more than enough lima beans and canned salmon already. 

The Hunter’s Moon Dance featuring “J.T. & The Moonlighters” at the Grange Hall has been postponed from December 1st to the following week, December 10th at 7pm.  J.T. had a slight mishap while skinning a muskrat earlier this week, but says he should be able to play banjo just fine by then. 

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