Things have been rather peaceful here on Wipjibber Mountain this Summer, other than the sound of griping as the farmers try to get the hay in between rainfalls. It’s been so wet here this year that folks don’t need to dress up those little statues of geese in their front yards anymore, what with the real geese out there holding umbrellas.
Well, there was some excitement in town after a few of the local boys gave the town quite a scare last month. It seems the McCaney boys and Pete Crabbe decided to go whitewater rafting in the crick after several days of rain. Pete says they were doing fine until they slammed into a tree trunk and fell off the tire tube. Pete ended up downstream a ways, the current so strong it ripped his swimsuit clean off. Stark naked, he ran to get help while Jimmy and Billy held on to Cal Hendrick’s barbed wire fence, which Jimmy later reported woulda took his head clean off had he not ducked underwater. Unable to see Pete, they screamed for help, attracting Cal’s dairy herd, which weren’t much use.
Cal grabbed the first thing he could find, which happened to be his logging chain, and led by a bare bottomed Pete, run to the crick to drag the two out. His first attempt to throw them the chain missed… sort of.
His following attempts more successful, Cal managed to drag the boys out of the water on to dry land. He gave the trio a good talking to, and they begged Cal not to tell their folks. But it was already too late as the site of a naked teenage boy pounding on the back door gave new meaning to “flash flooding” for Cal’s wife and town gossip, Onalee.
Not counting Onalee’s nervous condition being set off, the boys were fine and casualties few other than a few stitches on Billy McNaney’s forehead where Cal’s logging chain hit him.
Two of the three were the source of further consternation in town when “Mooch” Mitchell showed up at the Urgent Care Sunday last hollering he’d been poisoned and needed his stomach pumped. Doc, somewhat irked by being dragged away from the race on the waiting room TV, told Mooch to calm down and tell him what happened first.
It seems while their folks were off in Millport visiting family, the boys were left home to stack wood. Mooch stopped to see if they wanted to go fishing and declined requests to lend a hand so they could. After an hour they boys figured it was time for lunch so they went in, followed by a now eager Mooch Mitchell.
As they fried up a couple cheeseburgers Mooch mentioned he was feeling a little peckish himself. Jimmy offered to make him a burger, but would Mooch go back out to the woodlot and grab his water bottle while he cooked it? The prospect of food heightened Mooch’s ambition, and he did.
The three sat down on the porch and dove into their meal, the McNaney boys’ intently watching as Mooch ate his own. With about two bites left, Billy burst out in laughter and screamed, “It’s a GainesBurger!!!! Harharhar!!!”
Well, Mooch thought it was a joke, but on further examination found that the “meat” was indeed a little queer looking. Spitting out the mouthful he had, he dropped his plate and bolted for there Urgent Care, convinced he’d been poisoned.
Well, Nurse Crandall talked the boy down in short order, assuring him he hadn’t, in fact, been poisoned. She gave him a glass of water and a popsicle before sending him home, cautioning him to be more careful about who makes his sandwiches in the future. Doc further advised him to avoid walking past the fire hydrant in front of the Methodist Church on the way home, just in case.